{Guest Blogger ~ Jessica}

I'm so excited to get to be a guest blogger!!! My name is Jessica and i suffer from OCD and Agoraphobia. Most people don't know what agoraphobia is. Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder defined as a morbid fear of wide open spaces, crowds, or uncontrolled social conditions. The agoraphobia has caused me to be a hermit in many ways. It becomes incredibly difficult to leave my house, go to church, visit friends all for the fear of having a panic attack before i leave or once i get there. Almost everyone I've met that Ive told about my Agoraphobia tells me, "You look all put together and under control to me. You'd never be able to tell" That's because i do a wonderful job of hiding my anxiety. I look completely calm and put together, but underneath my body is in full PANIC MODE. My heart races uncontrollably and i want to run home where i feel safe and where i feel i can control everything around me. That also is a combination of my OCD disorder. I ALWAYS have to keep things in order. I have a fear that if my house isn't perfectly clean that my husband might be angry or disappointed in me. Clearly this isn't the reality since my husband always tells me to sit down and relax and stop worrying about everything around the house. But he doesn't realize that while I'm sitting trying to relax my brain is analyzing everything around the house that is out of place and needs to be placed back in its rightful home. My OCD also causes me to be very concerned about my appearance. I wont leave my house unless i feel that i am 100% put together and looking nice.
Trying to deal with Agoraphobia and OCD is difficult some days and easy others. I have learned that sometimes i need to let the house stay dirty and focus on my kids that day instead of cleaning the entire day. It may bother me and make me want to run around picking stuff up, but I've learned to realize that i cant keep my house perfectly clean, especially when i have two small children. So if my house is messy i let it be messy. And when dealing with my Agoraphobia I end up just having to leave my house in panic mode and just dealing with my anxiety. Thank heavens for my husband. If it weren't for him i don't think i would get out of my house half the time. He is so wonderful and pushes me to go to church even though i don't want to because of the anxiety, and he encourages me to go spend time with my friends outside of the house and be sociable even when its hard. I'm so grateful for my husband and his love and support when I'm being a miss crazy pants at him and the kids and the house. Dealing with Anxiety disorders is an uphill battle and I think this blog is an AMAZING way to let others that suffer from the same problems know that you aren't alone in the battle and that there are others out there who know EXACTLY what you are going through and that you are a freak or completely crazy! Thanks so much!

~Jessica~