I am a glacier- and the strom is coming!

most days I feel like a glacier, hiding most of myself under the water...


I cannot even express to you what a mess this whole getting on new medication has been!!! I had been going to this certain clinic I wont mention since January being treated . They were ok I guess.Well, my paxil stopped working! I became very anxious and irritable. Even suicide ideas, no plans just thoughts.So I beg my dr to get me in ANYWHERE, 3AM WHATEVER i need serious help!!!! So I make an appt and it gets canceled. Wonderful. This happens SIX TIMES in a mater of 2 weeks! Bear in mind, I'm not even able to get out of bed in the morning and take care of my kids. My house is a wreck cause they've just ran loose every. At this point I'm calling the dr everyday and asking for him to squeeze me in. I need some freaking help people! Cry! Cry! Crying for help!
so i was driving ON MY WAY TO THE MED CHECK appt when I get a call saying, what'???? HE HAD TO CANCEL AGAIN! tears are streaming down my face at this point. They always say, if you're depressed reach out and get help. HELLO WORLD!! CAN YOU HEAR ME,,,,,ITs LYNETTE AND i NEED HELP. my life depends on it.
so I call my insurance provider, crying so hard I'm sure she dint understand a word I was saying. So she sent me to this place much closer to my house. The fit me right in for a med check-perfect. They even had an opening THAT afternoon for me to see the DR. AWESOME..
well I race home and make lunch for the kids, frantically try to find a sitter and run right back to see the dr. And this guy looks like he survived the holocaust, i mean it was rough. Within the first 5 minutes he told me i need to leave my church, stop talking to my bishop because he will say anything to keep marriages together, and to leave ryan. Can you say QUACK??
hE ALSO TOLD me THAT i COULD GET ANY GUY i CHOOSE AND he kept asking about our sex life. Needless to say I was more then a little upset.
I called one of our councilors who happens to LDS and he told me not to listen to this guy, hes a nut. Which made me feel better.
I am on new medication, hes taking me off paxil (hallelujah! we could try for a baby if we want) and the withdraws are not as bad as I expected. I thought Id be detoxing like on Dr Drews Celebrity Rehab. But I have not even once been uncomfortable. I'm on (drum roll please)
*Abilify (mood stabilizer)
*Lamotrigine (heavy mood stabilizer-it has a two pronged effect, it treats my bipolar and depression. AWESOMENESS. I havent felt this healthy in years!!
* Attivan of course!


I also wanted to take a few minutes to thank all my awesome friends and family who have all been so patient and understanding with my illness. Some friends have given up on me, and just flat shut me out of their lives, and that hurts. I guess in a way it scares them and they dont know how to handle it or something so they just pull away. BUT its in these times of need you find out who your true Friends are. Especially Brittany and Kati, you two are awesome and I consider you my closest friends. :)

Thanks all to the readers. hope we can continue to gain strength from one another!

xoxo Lynette