Saturday, September 17, 2011

My plate is full

I am feeling like I am carrying a large load on my back. It is beginning to weigh me down. Asking me to do such a little favor these days feel like you are asking me to run a marathon. I feel like my 3 children, my husband, and my household is about all I can handle. Anything more than that I am struggling to stay afloat. I am fee like I am drowning in responsibilities. I start school in less than 2 weeks, as the day approaches I am worrying if I can handle all my responsibilities. I feel misplaced. I just don't fit. I can't seem to find away to feel like I belong. Some days, I just want to run away from my problems.

I have to realize, that I can only handle so much. Someone, once told me that we all have different size plates. Some have large serving platters, while some have dinner plates, and there are some who have tiny little saucers. I think I have a salad plate. Their servings or responsibilities I can fit on that plate are small. When I was on my meds, I had a dinner plate, I could do fill it up. Since getting off, my plate broke and was replaced with a salad plate. Better than the dessert plate I had before I was treated. This week I realized my plate was just over flowing. I realized that I need to make my portions smaller. I have to eliminate responsibilities that are asking too much from me. Instead of wishing I had a serving platter and be super women and it all, I am going to make the best of my salad plate. I will learn to say no. I just so badly want to be that one person people can depend on that I am taking away from what matters the most, my kids.

I will have to deal with anxiety for the rest of my life. I have dealt with it my entire life. Knowing that the next 2.5 years will be a struggle while attending nursing school, I have to change they way I do things. I will have to keep in mind what will in my best interest when asked to do favors.

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