{I've Come along way}

I am realizing more and more that I have come a long way with me OCD. I am able to be myself. I have realized I have done so many things to please others and my anxiety has kept me back. I am always worried about the "what ifs" scenarios that it takes away from reality.

Last week, was pretty hard for me. I found out that my oldest daughter has a heart defect. My husband, Tom, has a brother and a nephew who have congenital heart defects and I have a deceased brother who had a heart defect at birth. He died about a week after he was born, this was the early eighties so technology isn't anything near it is now. My entire married life I have had this fear in the back of my mind that I would have a child with a heart defect. It can be hereditary, and since we both have brothers with defects, I just knew it was a HUGE possibility.

When my daughter was first born, the pediatrician in the hospital did inform me that she had a heart murmur. I knew that many newborns have murmurs because their valves haven't shut quite yet. Since then, no one has ever mentioned about her heart murmur. A couple of weeks ago, we took our children in to the after hours clinic because our children were really sick. The Dr asked us if we ever were told that she had a heart murmur.  She told us to see our pediatrician just to check on it. Her doctor referred us to the Cardiologist just to make sure it is an innocent heart murmur because of our family history.

We see the Cardiologist and he confirms that she has Aortic Valve Stenosis due to a valve that has two of the three leaflets fused together. She is fine for now, but will need surgery in adulthood. We will continue to see the Cardiologist to make sure it doesn't get worse.

I was so mad that this wasn't caught sooner. But really thinking about it, I am soooo glad that I didn't know about this for the last four years, I would have been a complete wreck with this news. This would have definitely spiked my OCD. I would have constant worry about my other children when I was pregnant with them. I feel so blessed that I didn't know until I was well enough to take this information in and process it. I seriously, could not have handled this even a year ago. I have come a long way. This is just one of many examples.

Fragile

Feeling fragile tonight. Alone on my anniversary es no beuno. Though I did go on a shopping spree today :)
I was yelled at by my optomitrist today for wearing my contacts too long. I just sat and took it. I was so suprised I just sat there. She refused service to me and told me I will be blind if I continue wearing my contacts like I have been.
I admit I wear them longer then I should but yelling at a perfect stranger?? I mean. Cmon. That really shook me.
Needless to say we will never shop there again ( walmart on power and southern)

I just got out of the hospital, I don't need that.

I showed and told my second therapist about this blog and he wad blown away. He thought it was beyond fantastic. Have I meantioned I love him?? (Family strategies)

{And more...}

I'm feeling agitated today.


Let me start off by saying I loved Kati's post about our problem being anxiety, not stress. That is so true. Anyone who thinks its just "stress" has no clue and should stop pretending they do. In saying that its a huge insult to not only us but to our innocent children who bring nothing but happiness and light into our lives, right Kati? I've had it said to me that its just stress by non- professionals. let me tell ya, I'm seeing about 5 different specialists who all agree ITS NOT STRESS.

Its the way our brains work, unfortunatly. But with finding balance, and a good drug (which is NOT a HIGH btw) we can overcome it.Also I might add everyone has their issues. We're just a little more open, I have loved blogging about this because there are so many people that come out of the woodwork and agree with me. They find support and strength. If my expierence can help one person then its been worth it.

This blog started becasue my therapist said it would be healthy to do it. I agreed, with promptings of the Spirit I asked Kati to help me.

I have found the things to work has been to find a good support (this) and share. I also find talking with a therapist helps. Dont be afraid to ask for help, its there! You don't need to sit by, quietly ticking away.

Please, reader, take care of yourself. Job one....

[Taking Care!}

sometimes we just have to laugh at ourselves...

I met with my therapist today. What a wonderful thing that was. I am grateful I live in a time where people like me can get help before their lives become out of control.
I have times I feel I am crawling out of my skin. I feel so happy now, not because of med, (I'm on an extremely low dose) but all the therapy is helping. Lets talk it out.
She thought the blog was wonderful, btw...

Getting healthy. As a mom I always put my needs last. The kids always need something, the hubby needs whatever, laundry to be done, dishes are multiplying....

I get lost in it all at times. I forget to take care of myself. I always thought it went:
1) Kids
2)Marriage
3)Me
In talking to my therapist I realized I have been doing it all wrong! It SHOULD go:
1)ME
2)Marriage
3)Kids

Its so opposite from what one might think, especially as a mom.
So what does a mom do with 3 (or more or less) kids to take care of herself?
Here is a list I have began compiling:

1) Journal- I have begun!
2) Plant a garden (or take up any hobby- I planted a garden)
3) Excercise- gotta get those endorphins!
4) Eat Healthy- You'd be AMAZED what eating healthy can do for your mood! (and waistline)
5)Date your spouse

Taking care of yourself is job one, it may feel weird at first, especially if you're like me, but so far it has actually worked!

Here's to a great week! Hope everyone is feeling good!


"Laughing at others' misfortunes can shorten our lives; Laughing at ourselves can lengthen it"
Lynette