{And more...}

I'm feeling agitated today.


Let me start off by saying I loved Kati's post about our problem being anxiety, not stress. That is so true. Anyone who thinks its just "stress" has no clue and should stop pretending they do. In saying that its a huge insult to not only us but to our innocent children who bring nothing but happiness and light into our lives, right Kati? I've had it said to me that its just stress by non- professionals. let me tell ya, I'm seeing about 5 different specialists who all agree ITS NOT STRESS.

Its the way our brains work, unfortunatly. But with finding balance, and a good drug (which is NOT a HIGH btw) we can overcome it.Also I might add everyone has their issues. We're just a little more open, I have loved blogging about this because there are so many people that come out of the woodwork and agree with me. They find support and strength. If my expierence can help one person then its been worth it.

This blog started becasue my therapist said it would be healthy to do it. I agreed, with promptings of the Spirit I asked Kati to help me.

I have found the things to work has been to find a good support (this) and share. I also find talking with a therapist helps. Dont be afraid to ask for help, its there! You don't need to sit by, quietly ticking away.

Please, reader, take care of yourself. Job one....

[Taking Care!}

sometimes we just have to laugh at ourselves...

I met with my therapist today. What a wonderful thing that was. I am grateful I live in a time where people like me can get help before their lives become out of control.
I have times I feel I am crawling out of my skin. I feel so happy now, not because of med, (I'm on an extremely low dose) but all the therapy is helping. Lets talk it out.
She thought the blog was wonderful, btw...

Getting healthy. As a mom I always put my needs last. The kids always need something, the hubby needs whatever, laundry to be done, dishes are multiplying....

I get lost in it all at times. I forget to take care of myself. I always thought it went:
1) Kids
2)Marriage
3)Me
In talking to my therapist I realized I have been doing it all wrong! It SHOULD go:
1)ME
2)Marriage
3)Kids

Its so opposite from what one might think, especially as a mom.
So what does a mom do with 3 (or more or less) kids to take care of herself?
Here is a list I have began compiling:

1) Journal- I have begun!
2) Plant a garden (or take up any hobby- I planted a garden)
3) Excercise- gotta get those endorphins!
4) Eat Healthy- You'd be AMAZED what eating healthy can do for your mood! (and waistline)
5)Date your spouse

Taking care of yourself is job one, it may feel weird at first, especially if you're like me, but so far it has actually worked!

Here's to a great week! Hope everyone is feeling good!


"Laughing at others' misfortunes can shorten our lives; Laughing at ourselves can lengthen it"
Lynette

{Discovering One's Self}

I am a good person.

I tell myself that about 30x's a day, thanks to my my therapist. I cannot believe that I'm 24 and just now discovering myself. Anyone else feel like that?
My bipolar has had me on a pretty crazy maniac phase this week. I have to keep myself in check. I am taking a class that teaches about going "Lympic" which is where your brain trigers to the back of your brain, or 'survival mode' and you're not really "there." This is when an drug addict wants drugs more then anything. Its the animal instinct kicking in mixed with the addiction.
My "Lymphic" cycle has me beating myself up and my OCD keeps the thoughts coming and coming. You want to know the trick? This changed my life. You SLOW DOWN....take a breathe...and SLOW DOWN again. That kicks your brain from survival mode to thinking mode. And you're intelligent again!
The key to mastering, as with anything, is PRACTICE. Easier said the done right? ;)

I am sharing an affirmation with you that I love (I downloaded the app actually)

"I will remain confident and unaffected by negative attitudes around me."

For a fun challenge you should find a affirmation that fits you (you can google it), write it on a 'post it' and slap it on your bathroom mirror. Repeat to self 10x for 3 different times a day.

I'm changing the way I see the world and am hoping I find happiness.

ps We lowered the abilify....


Love Lynette

{It's Anxiety, not Stress}

I have an Anxiety Disorder! I am not suffering from Stress!

Life can be very stressful from time to time. It could be a broken car, finances, moving, etc. These are stressors in our lives that make us feel worn or anxious. But this is not the same for anxiety. Stress is some sort of event in your life that makes you feel overwhelmed, anxious, worried, etc. Anxiety is constantly feeling worried, panic, anxoius etc. There isn't any real stressor. For example, moving is very stressful. But once the move is all said and done the stress subsides. With Anxiety, there aren't any "events" that are causing your anxiety. It is just constant uneasiness, panic, fear. Sometimes, they don't even know why they feel that way.

I just do not think that everyone knows that anxiety is a true disorder. I can't blame them, I didn't know for a long time. Anxiety can be debilatating. It can make everyday activites hard. It can affect relationships. The fear one feels can prevent them from getting a job. There is so much too it.

I am not suffering from Stress. My anxiety can't be easily treated with a change of diet, exercise, caffiene elmination etc. I need medication and therapy. This is a true mood disorder.

{Taking my Life Back}

It is time to take my life back.

I am tired of OCD taking over my life.

I am tired of relapsing.

I am so tired of thinking I have done something that I didn't do

What I am experiencing is False Memories, memories that were created by my anxiety. The idea was implanted into my head by a dream. The dream wasn't real. But the more I thought it could be true, the more of the memory would come back. It was vague yet it was still there. So I just believed that if there is a memory than it has to be real.

But this is WRONG! So Wrong. Your brain is such a powerful thing. It can make you think and feel things that are just not real. You can worry about things so irrational. When you tell someone else, they just think it is crazy, but to you it's so real.

This memory is not real. This never happened. It doesn't matter what my brain tells me. It is wrong. My heart tells me otherwise. The Spirit tells me other wise. My journal entries and all my other memories tell me otherwise. But there will always be that "doubt" that little imp in my mind telling me "yeah, but.." I just have to overcome it.

Today, I am not going to allow myself to believe it is real. I am going to KNOW it is not real, it is my OCD brain talking to me. I have to overcome this. It has been way too long. It has taken away so much from. I have a family. I don't want to miss those little things just becuase my mind is somewhere else.

I have to overcome my OCD

{Bad reaction}

I think I may be having bad side effects from the Abilify. I'm totally torn if I want to continue on it.... anyone been on it???!

{One Year}

Tomorrow will mark the one year anniversary since I finally got help with my anxiety!

I have suffered from anxiety since I was very young. I don't even know the age when it started, but I was very young.

I never knew that I had a problem. I just thought everyone was like that.

It wasn't until I had this feeling to tell a good friend about everything that was going through my mind. That was the beginning of my recovery. She helped me tell my husband my problems. She helped me get help from my doctor. With out her, I do not think I would have got help.

It was just talking about these issues that made me realize that I am not the only one out there.

She was suffering the same thing that I was.

Which is so crazy, because I never knew she was suffering all those years we were friends.

I always wanted to be her. She is gorgeous, skinny, and the best mom ever! She was everything I wanted to be. She was outgoing and had lots of friends.

I never knew that I was just like her.

An OCD sufferer!

Since then, I have been open about my struggles. You just never know who needs to hear it.

This is why I jumped on board when Lynnette talked about starting up this blog. People need to hear that they are not the only ones out there that feel this way.

So today, I am celebrating one year of finally getting my life in order. It has been a long and hard process. I am still not 100% but I know someday I will be.